Hong Kong Style Egg Tarts

So a series of events had me ending up with loads of eggs and and egg tart recipe. Seeing how simple it was, I gave it a short and guess what. They turned out quite yummy. 

Recipe from (http://www.atkokken.com/2011/06/27/hong-kong-style-egg-tarts-nostalgic-saint-honore-egg-tarts/)

Pastry
90g              Unsalted butter
40g              Powdered sugar
12g              Egg
170g            Plain flour
8g                Evaporated Milk

Mel: I made two batches of this. One batch made about twelves pastry shells in my two 6-hole muffin pan. 

Custard
160g            Eggs
80g              Castor Sugar
50g              Evaporated milk
210g            Water

Mel: 160g of egg was approximately three eggs (Chews normal blue ones) and managed to fill about 18 shells. So I made a bit of extra custard using one egg and a third of the other ingredients)

Method:
1. Cream softened butter with sugar until white and creamy.
2. Add egg (12g) and mix until well incorporated.
3. Add evaporated milk (8g) to (2) and mix until well incorporated.
4. Add in flour and mix well.
5. Chill the dough in the fridge for an hour before dividing the dough into 10 portions. Press the dough into a tart mold and press well to line the tart mold. Chill the lined tart molds for 15 mins. In the mean time, prepare custard.
6. Prepare custard by mixing all ingredients for custard together.
7. Pour custard mixture into tart casings.
8. Bake at 250C for 10 mins until custard sets.

Mel: my oven only when up to 230C but it still turned out pretty ok, just took a little longer in the oven. Need to rmb not to leave it for too long or the egg custard starts rising instead of just settling down nice and smooth

Best eaten warm (cool for bout ten minutes once out of the oven then remove from muffin pan)

^^

Housing woes

Hmmm... To buy or not to buy...

It seems like the grants involved when buying a hdb bto is rather minimal when you're earning a combined income of more than 5k or 6.5k for that matter.

Makes me wonder whether one should just buy a resale near my parents place to get the family grant thingy instead. Location and space would be better that way. definitely more pricey although it would mean no rush to apply early...

And yet another successful level two :)

Positivity

It's so easy to be happy when you choose to live on the bright side :)

It's a little scary how easily my brain can latch on to a good thing and forget the unhappiness that happened. I shall take this as a blessing in disguise and hope that everything will be alright just cause I wish it to be. 

Whoever would have thought that I would end up a silly little girl, full of insecurities and desperation. 

Chin up! Life is as good as your thoughts make it out to be~!

How did I end up here and now?

Next to Normal

So... While this musical was one that brought up themes of mental illness and daily struggles, the themes of love they brought up struck a chord most within me.

It was clear that the guy loved his wife so and had vowed to be with her for the rest of her life, for better or for worse. Inflicting on her what he thought was best to get them to where they once were before the tragedy that broke her mind happened. And yet it didn't seem to change anything, and him being in denial of the root cause of the problem seem to be what was the underlying cause. And in the end, what was needed was separation. There was no forcing the matter and that despite best efforts and denial of his own pains and thoughts of the affair, the only way for her to heal was if she left, or it would just end up back to ground zero again regardless.

So our story ended with her leaving him and him finally giving in to his demands, having no need to be strong anymore.

And yet, the parallel story showed a happy ending young love story, giving hope amidst a sad devastating environment. Of relentless pursuit that somehow gave fruit to a happily ever after.

- Morbid yet real, with a stellar cast and music that reached out to the soul and left me tearing at parts.

What can you do if you love someone so much and yet the other didn't love you anymore? Can you live a life next to normal?

So fast... The weekend high has left...

Back to reality and the relentless churning of numbers...

Why is it always the things you want so bad are the things you never get?

Maybe it's time i learn to be a bit more selective

Despite preaching that climbing is an inherently dangerous sport yada yada... I guess a part of me has always felt safe within the arms of the belayer and the belay system. And yet this year seems to find me one too many close calls... Am I getting a bit too complacent perhaps? Climbing too long with the same person in the same locations does give you a sense of familiarity. You do feel comfortable that nothing can go wrong... right?

And yet this evening found me pairing up with a "climbing friend" as my usual belay buddy was stuck at work... On my second climb, the system failed when my belayer decided that the breaking rope was too challenging to hold and went grabbing at the climber rope instead. While the initial fall felt like your typical dynamic belay, when my fall was arrested after about four clips down I knew things was wrong, very very wrong. It was then I tried to grab the rope/wall/runner as I continued my decent and screamed for my belayer (very out of character here as anyone who has climbed with me can attest too but I guess my life/limbs were hanging by a thread there). Thankfully my scream did draw attention to the nearby climbers and someone actually managed to grab the breaking rope.

So I finally touched down safely. In one piece with nothing broken except my trust for said belayer. I was quite amazed at how calm I was about the whole situation. Questions of am I in shock did cross my mind but I guess a part of me felt stupid for ignoring the warning signs in the first place: 1. Belayer did not know how to load ATC properly. 2. Belayer was slow to respond when I shouted for tight. 3. Belayer hasn't belayed in a while.  I should have just bailed when I realise I was struggling on the route and not risk taking a fall.

Well. Everyone gets stupid sometimes but I guess the lesson learnt here is that let's not take for granted that people are smart about things least it costs you your life.

-- melly signing off

(two posts in a day after a three month hiatus... It's good to have an outlet again)

3 months and we're suddenly 2/3 way thru the year

It's been three months since I last posted... time since to just fly by once the mid year mark was passed. Life's been relatively good to me... I'm happy in my job, i'm happy in my relationship, I'm happy with where I am in life and what I hope to achieve... and yet there's a nagging feeling that things are too good and I'm shutting my eyes to the negative things I don't want to see and then one day soon this house of cards I've built will just come collapsing down on me.

Being in a relationship
This is probably one of those things I will face in life that will shape and change me for better or for worse. After growing up in a relatively privileged household, with parents that care for me and taught me how to live as a family, it is still weird that I struggle so much with trying to interact with a person. It's easy to give, especially when most people are comfortable being on the receiving end... but the problem comes when your partner also wants to give and doesn't give you the chance to give. How then do you strike a balance? How can you actually make someone happy, and how do you progress on to a relationship where there isn't the awkwardness of being afraid to be on the receiving end?

It is kind of weird that we can talk about the future, about kids and houses, travels and growing old. And yet, when it comes to stuff like what's going on with your life, work, etc now, we're hesitant to share as we don't want to "burden" the other party with our "unimportant" problems. So with this comes a feeling that you don't trust the other party to assimilate the information, and that one is not worthy, a rather unfair outcome and yet I'm no wiser in how to deal with this. More trial and error I guess? Although I guess I'm scared at times, of this seemingly fragile relationship we have. It's really ironic that after me being the one to end my last two relationships, I'm so scared of loosing what we have right now and what we might have in the future.

How can we make it right? We'll see I guess...

For you I've done the one thing I would never do on my own (climb a "mountain") in hope that one day, you'll be able to trust me enough to get angry at me and to love me as much as I do to you. I do so hate it when you cut me out, leaving me lost like a ice berg at sea. 

"Troubled Times"

When you think you've found something worth holding onto
Were you reaching for attention, hoping she would notice you
Collecting bottles and thrown-away cans
Like she was returnable
One day would refill your hands?
How she loved you, all you imagined
Fit so well into your plans

Maybe one day soon it'll all come out
How you dream about each other sometimes
With the memory of how you once gave up
But you made it through the troubled times

Pining away every hour in your room
Rolling with the motion, waiting til it's opportune
Sitting there watching time fly past you
Why do tomorrow
What you could never do?
How she loved you
All you imagined
All the shit you put her through

Maybe one day soon it'll all come out
How you dream about each other sometimes
With the memory of how you once gave up
But you made it through the troubled times

And it takes a lot of nerve to ask how she's doing
Start with a weak foundation, you will end in ruins
The way the days and hours pass you'll never understand
Falling like rain through your hands

Maybe one day soon it'll all come out
How you dream about each other sometimes
With the memory of how you once gave up
But you made it through the troubled times

 

- Fountains of Wayne

----

giving up is not an option.

Don't lose yourself trying to be what you think others want you to be.

Note to self (taken from an article in hbr)

Learn to appreciate the power of authenticity, especially your own. Reflect on what you feel when you are in the presence of someone who is being inauthentic: pity, disgust, but never respect. Keep in mind this is what others will feel, sooner or later, if you try to be something you fundamentally are not. This is true even — in fact especially — if you are trying to be what you think others want you to be. For as the poet e.e. cummings put it so powerfully, "To be nobody but myself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make me somebody else — means to fight the hardest battle any human can fight."

Sometimes I really wish I could read your mind...

I'm really such a coward, but the fear of failing again is making me lose my nerves.

Why can't I be stronger than this? Why must the good things always require a leap of faith?

Could really use a perk me up...

Thoughts of a small break at work was thrown out of the window just two hours after a ma rush of a project. Two new demanding projects to add on to the existing two. While two more side projects threaten to make time management a challenge at work.

Need to strike a balance and not neglect the life part of the equation. Hope is such a fickle thing but there's nothing ado but to trust that everything will be fine and that time will set things right.

Regrets drinking that cup of coffee at 7pm

House of Cards

I guess I'm not immune to late night work blues.... Especially when it's been 10 whole days since I climbed... Need to find my mojo...

Keep calm and better days will come by soon... I do so hate it when the stress of making everything work makes me an emotional mess...

Sometimes wonder if I'm suited for this job. I like the work but presentations / public speaking really do give me panic attacks. Especially when I'm not convinced about what I'm presenting... I've never really been the best at lying afterall...

---

House of Cards by Madina Lake

It's late at night the world's asleep
And I'm trying not to think
I take some pills 'cuz my mind bleeds
I'm thinking what is wrong with me

Because the only thing I know
About honesty
Is every lie I've told
That you believed

I'm afraid to be alone
I'm afraid that one day you'll find out

And you'll be amazed at the secrets I keep
You'll be amazed at my mouth full of lies
Well, I'm too afraid to come clean
'Cuz my life's still free in the house of cards

Now I can't look you in your eyes
Because the guilt is killing me
I try to disconnect my heart again
Just so I can breathe

I wanna be myself again
But I just can't 'cuz

I'm afraid to be alone
I'm afraid that one day you'll find out

And you'll be amazed at the secrets I keep
You'll be amazed at my mouth full of lies
Well, I'm too afraid to come clean
'Cuz my life's still free in the house of cards

It's such a shame what I've become
After years of breaking down
My whole life has come undone
'Cuz I'm trying to fake it all

And I know that you love someone
But that someone isn't me
Well, ...

And you'll be amazed at the secrets I keep
You'll be amazed at my mouth full of lies
Well, I'm too afraid to come clean
'Cuz my life's still free in the house of cards

You'll be amazed
You'll be amazed

Three more weeks until my next adventure!

a little moment of introspection.

Given peoples reaction on the train when it was delayed (and my choice to be an observer instead of a change maker). The impatient faces. The irritated faces. The shoving. The unwillingness to give way. The ignorance of pained expressions on others. I do wonder if push comes to shove, and we find our country in a situation of extreme adversity, will we be able to step beyond our individual needs and look at the bigger picture. To strive for the society's well being if it calls for patience and a little self sacrifice.

Sometimes I do wonder why we have grown up to be this way. Impatient with society when things are not served on a silver platter. Pointing fingers and pushing blame. Taking it out on those around us instead of thinking how best to share the cake, little as it may be, so that everyone is happy.

Late night ramblings

Attending the wedding up top together

Food was good. Atmosphere was real chill.

What is money to you?

Someone asked me this morning..

"Melly can I ask you for your opinion on how important money is?"

Well. For me. I see it as a tool - a means to an end. I just need enuff to pursue all the experiences I want. I don't really crave for too much richness at the expense of time and health.

We only have a limited time on this planet. So there's no point in spending your whole life just slogging away to build wealth. To me it's hardly an incentive that will keep me going for long. (maybe cos I've been lucky in life and never really had too much out of reach due to my parents to idling me with a rather comfortable life)

That said. It isnt that you can live without it. Money still is the currency that makes the world go round. You will still need it to do stuff. So i guess what you need to know is why you're accumulating wealth for. Like a house. To start a family. To be able to provide for the people you care about. For further education. To make yourself a better person. To travel the world etc.

Then, consider how many years you have to do it before you need to cash out and go do/buy what you need or want.

So from there you can kinda work backwards. And find the balance.

Double date with the double down.

the colleagues... T. G. I. F

And if I could... I would... give you the biggest hug ever. To let you know that you're not alone and that everything will be alright.

Macaroons

First time baking in Aeons and I decided to give something I've been wanting yet wary to make a shot.

Macaroons :)

Armed with the new toy that Tracy got me for Christmas, ingredients from my morning trip to the supermarket and the ever handy bf Ben - I thought I was ready.

First problem. My silicon mat was to big for the oven. Solution: cut it in half. Which really was perfect if not for the fact it wasn't as aesthetically pleasing after.

Second problem. Grinding almond. First attempt had Ben getting overly enthusiastic and having us end up with almond butter which was quite yummy if not for the fact my throat felt like dying.

Ingredients used on the second attempt:
Macaroon shells:
110g almonds
180g icing sugar
2 egg whites
35g sugar
Vanilla essence

Filling:
80ml whipping cream
100g dark chocolate

Steps:
1. Coarsely grind the stupid almonds in a food processor. Do not over do it to become butter.
2. Add the icing sugar into the food processor too.
3. Sift the mixture
4. Whip the egg whites
5. Add the sugar and continue whipping until it is peaky
6. Slowly stir in half the icing sugar almond blend.
7. Add the vanilla essence
8. Stir in the rest of the icing sugar almond
9. Pipe onto mat and let set for 30 mins in a cold dry place
10. Bake for 20-25 mins at 150 degrees Celsius
11. Let cool for 30 min
12. Boil the whipping cream
13. Pour over chocolate and mix well.
14. Add a little baileys
15. Let set in the fridge for a while
16. Spread between macaroon shells.
- you're done!

A good end to a hectic week.

One of those moment where you had an awesome experience and then realise that you had no picture to capture the moment and share it to make other people jealous.

Oh wells. Shall etch it into my own internal memory.

(Z)En Japanese Dining Bar @ River Valley

50% of sashimi from 6pm to 8pm - which we missed.

And for this month. There was 50% of their wagyu stuff. Which is awesome

First up was the beef cappacio. It kinda just totally melted in your mouth. Like I never really understood marbled beef till today.

Second was the unagi fried rice. Which was yum. :) totally satisfied my jap rice and teriyaki ish sauce craving I had the whole week.

Third was a plate of assorted sushi. No clue really what I ate but it was quite yummy. Even the tuna.

Last was soft shell crab maki. Crab was nice but I didn't really appreciate the spring onions in my maki.

Overall still an awesome meal. Plus I got a surprise bday present in the form of a bag I was previously eyeing. Yay. ^^

Growing old aint that bad when you have awesome friends to grow old with.

in silliness we laugh.

And so after the storm
we stand soaked to the skin
staring up at the sun
laughing in sync
at memories of us huddling
afraid of the end of the world.

Best wishes to the happy couple

First time really helping in a wedding. Was fun being on the "bro" side of things due to a thankfully painfree gate crashing.

Glad the couple is finally hitched and happy and glad to have helped as one of the "useless" brothers.

Congratulations Noel and YC. It was awesome to have seen everything happen from six years ago to the proposal to now.

It is awesome knowing you people and I look forward to crashing the honeymoon.

on a happier note. two weeks in sydney was kinda awesome. not over the moon awesome as i thought it would be but awesome enough i guess. one of the bucket list. one year older. life goes on.

trust me to rant about this...

Don't you just hate it when someone tells you "I trust you to make the right decision"

Firstly, it absolves them of any responsibility, for it tells you nothing of their opinion on that matter.

Secondly, instead of you just deciding and living with the consequences, you're now faced with another set of judging eyes that weighs down the decision making.

Thirdly, if i trusted myself to make the right decision I wouldn't be sharing the problem right?

It sucks especially if that person's opinion matter.

Haiz.

Haiz

I'm really such an idiot when I'm down and out.

Keep Calm and Smile

Is it better to hide the tears and smile for the ones you care about? or share your tears, frustrations and laughter with each other?

--
It does get so lonely holding everything in at times... But I guess if that's what's expected then conforming is best...

I sometimes hate what I become
Undone
Afraid
Alone in my paranoia

A shaky breath to make me numb
Peace
Emptiness
Alone in my delusion

Polaroid Case Study Meeting

Miff...

All I want is to climb and dive and do new enjoyable things for my bday. Was that really too much to ask for?

cute #climbinginstructor?

Hmmm... Level two was fun but did I really need that photo of me in a basket now...

Perhaps I should learn to be a little more careful when it comes to pushing my limits

Fell again on my bike during lessons... Seems like I'm really not very good at this but it seems like a pity to just quit. Wonder how many more injuries I will have to suffer thru to get my license.

Current count:
1 x burn wound skidding as I exit the figure 8
2 x stitches, multiple abrasion and bruising on both leg as I skidded on e-break.

Lesson learnt. I'm not the best at considering my safety when I have pressure to pass. A bit like in climbing when I'm in a competition or sent-mode where I ignore all other signals and just get so focus on pushing myself to get the task done and psyching myself into a believing I can when I may not.

Thankfully I was still in the circuit when I fell. Although I must say that first aid lessons the week before did come in handy. You know how in the movies where the guy in a war movie kinda goes into the zone where you see everything in slow motion and the sound was kinda muted and yet you could kinda process everything? That moment does happen. After I fell (this part I still barely know what happened) I somehow managed to scoot away from the bike, catch the attention of a passing driving instructor, who went to get a bike instructor. And while I was waiting, assessed my injuries and kinda figured that I could move. Which was when I move myself to the side. The usual giddiness which I get when I'm in pain from a sprained ankle was there which made me proceed to sit down instead of remain standing. Instructor asked if I could move whereby I kinda figured I couldn't since limping pass the circuit in my giddy state didn't feel the safest thing to do. So he proceeded to hijack a car for me to ride me back to the main waiting area. Once there they (being short handed) went around trying to find someone who could administer first aid as well as the first aid box. I had half a mind to say I knew first aid but decided I should just remain a good patient and not stress the instructor too much. So while left to my own devices for a bit I did the only thing I could do which was to elevate the wound so I could slow the bleeding (oh and text for help) once the instructor finally found someone who could help, my wound was cleaned (it surprisingly didn't hurt, even the abrasions which I was anticipating to hurt like crazy) and wrapped and I was kinda then left alone again to decide what was my course of action. Thankfully Ben came soon and I went to a clinic and found out the gashes (which honestly looked pretty small although yeah I knew it was deep but one can continue being delusional as long as no one confirms it) needed stitches for it to heal faster. Which was my obvious choice since Sydney was just a week away. Getting stitched up was a new experience. The needle was curved. And after the jab you really couldn't feel anything despite seeing the doc poke and see you up. Kinda surreal like something was missing. Being told I had to leave the bandages on till Tuesday kinda brought about the problem of showering but I left that for later to figure. I was afterall still trying to figure out how to conduct a level two class i was gonna be late for when I clearly shouldn't be doing any climbing. Thank goodness for minions.

So I proceeded to rush down to SMU where I was supposed to have a two day level two course. Oh wells. At least I was still walking at the end of the day despite everything. Bed never felt more welcome last night.

10 more days to another epic rock trip.

Can't imagine the day when I have to stop doing this. Oh wells. Live first and think about the future in the future.

something to learn...

 

Be patient, dont fret too much and things might just resolve itself.

Hmmmm

The fear of missing out...

http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2013/02/getting_stuck_can_help_you.html

couldn't have put it better myself but then again... i didn't break an arm so that may be why i never had his eloquence.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Reality is not your favorite topic. You have an enthusiastic, positive, upbeat sign; however, this week, there are some very real-life issues to address once and for all. Don't worry — after the intial shock wears off, you'll realize you can handle it. After all, you are a warrior and are fully equipped to handle anything thrown your way.

i'm getting lazy and not really in the mood to blog these days... but.. can't wait for cny! much needed holiday.

Don't really know what I'm doing wrong but let's try not to panic and remain calm. Everything will be alright and you'll sit back one day and laugh at how silly you have been.

Wantoutwantoutwantout

what matters

Climbing	Working	Relationship-ing
Why are you here? Cos I love being able to figure out a route and be able to connect with others in a way that only climbers can. More importantly, because I can. What do you want? Fame and Glory. Ok. I’m kidding. Being able to climbing something awesome. Take some good pictures while at it. Inspire some people. How much does it matter? 10 years of my life and counting. The connections are more important and if I never find another way to gain that, it will still remain a pretty big part in keeping me sane. What’s it going to take? Time and Sacrifices. Who’s on your side? Friends and the Climbing Community Where’s your true north? Climbing Trips with friends What breaks your heart? That people stop climbing and we lose touch What’s it worth? Everything but being alone	Why are you here? Cos I need to gain confidence and ideas about what I am going to do with the rest of my working life and accounting wasn’t it. What do you want? The sense of satisfaction that I have found meaning and purpose in life. Something sustainable and challenging that allows me to shine. How much does it matter? Enough that I will keep trying until I get it right. Enough that I will talk to people to try and find out more. Enough that I will keep searching till the cows come home. What’s it going to take? Resilience and Courage. Who’s on your side? Family and Friends Where’s your true north? “Brand” of my own What breaks your heart? That I’ll be stuck pushing paper till the end of time What’s it worth? Everything but my conscience	Why are you here? Cos it is lonely walking alone. There’s so much of life’s journey that is better experienced with another close by your side. What do you want? Someone there for me. Someone I can be there for. Someone that I trust to start a family with. Someone to grow up and grow old with. How much does it matter? Regardless of how many times I’m burnt or hurt, I’ll pick myself up again and give myself another chance. I’ll stay positive and assume the best again until proven otherwise. What’s it going to take? Luck. Who’s on your side? Him Where’s your true north? “Happy Ever After” What breaks your heart? That I disappoint the love of my life and my family What’s it worth? Everything but climbing

Such lovely weather
Taunting me out of my bed
To start my day now

---

Jump into the pool
Cool water refreshing me
Warm sun on my back

---

random doodles with my favourite pen during client calls

21.01.2013

It's only been 2 months but already, it seems like forever since we got together.

Two months since that night at gardens by the bay. Trapped under a fake mushroom while skirting around each other. The rain falling around us.

Gentle brushes. Holding hands. Longing glances...

Apart. Together. United by whatsapp.

Breakfast for dinners. Lazy weekends.

Cakes, Climbing, Cycling, Christmas, Colgate, Countdown, Chocolates, Couches, Conversations, Caresses...

As for today.... Waiting for me to get off work and choosing to spend time with me despite bring locked out of his house...

All the Cs we do just make me cheesy as it may be...

Content!

A person who looks for good things will always find them 😁

a little pinch of faith

And for just one day... for just one moment.. you believe...

Need sleep!

But at least Darwin accoms is settled. Now for transport and action plan.

Where's the rain when you need it?

To hide the tears that threaten to run freely...

To wash away the pain and sadness...

To feed your thirst after you've drowned...

arghh

So lost... So torn...

Just wanna stop these thoughts and get on with life...

Damn emotions. Damn temptations.

Why do I feel the need to reexamine my life every feel weeks and get myself sounding like such a head case.

Keep calm and stay sane.

Functioning like a sin curve with peaks of high energy followed by the inevitable crash and cycling thru it again. Need to equilibrate but the schedule doesn't permit it.

a matter of perspective

There, out in the darkness
A fugitive running
Fallen from god
Fallen from grace
God be my witness
I never shall yield
Till we come face to face
Till we come face to face

He knows his way in the dark
Mine is the way of the Lord
And those who follow the path of the righteous
Shall have their reward
And if they fall
As Lucifer fell
The flame
The sword!

Stars
In your multitudes
Scarce to be counted
Filling the darkness
With order and light
You are the sentinels
Silent and sure
Keeping watch in the night
Keeping watch in the night

You know your place in the sky
You hold your course and your aim
And each in your season
Returns and returns
And is always the same
And if you fall as Lucifer fell
You fall in flame!

And so it has been and so it is written
On the doorway to paradise
That those who falter and those who fall
Must pay the price!

Lord let me find him
That I may see him
Safe behind bars
I will never rest
Till then
This I swear
This I swear by the stars!

---

Who is this man?
What sort of devil is he
To have me caught in a trap
And choose to let me go free?
It was his hour at last
To put a seal on my fate
Wipe out the past
And wash me clean off the slate!
All it would take
Was a flick of his knife.
Vengeance was his
And he gave me back my life!

Damned if I'll live in the debt of a thief!
Damned if I'll yield at the end of the chase.
I am the Law and the Law is not mocked
I'll spit his pity right back in his face
There is nothing on earth that we share
It is either Valjean or Javert!

How can I now allow this man
To hold dominion over me?
This desperate man whom I have hunted
He gave me my life. He gave me freedom.
I should have perished by his hand
It was his right.
It was my right to die as well
Instead I live... but live in hell.

And my thoughts fly apart
Can this man be believed?
Shall his sins be forgiven?
Shall his crimes be reprieved?

And must I now begin to doubt,
Who never doubted all these years?
My heart is stone and still it trembles
The world I have known is lost in shadow.
Is he from heaven or from hell?
And does he know
That granting me my life today
This man has killed me even so?

I am reaching, but I fall
And the stars are black and cold
As I stare into the void
Of a world that cannot hold
I'll escape now from the world
From the world of Jean Valjean.
There is nowhere I can turn
There is no way to go on....

---

While watching Les Miserables this time, the character that seems to have kept me thinking the most was Javert. Themes of Blind Misguided Justice, Redemption & Repentance, Law vs Morality, Definitions of Good and Evil has kept me up especially now that Ben has provided me with the sound track. Seems to hard to try and put it down in a proper argument especially with Gravical and work taking up so much of my head space too. I must say it is rather different from my previous take of Les Mis when I watched parts of it during my primary school days for choir. It was definitely more towards the themes of dreams and despair then. Cosette and Castle in the Clouds and I dream a dream, futile revolutions.

Time, maturity and experience really changes your perspective on a similar situation and open your eyes to things you never noticed before.

One more year... One more gravical

Feels so out of sync with boulder comps and route setting. The next couple of days is gonna be tough although I don't think I'm as productive or as psych as I once was abt route setting. Perhaps I did indeed have an overdose if it while coaching the girls. Or maybe a whole bunch of guys and being the only gal setting routes there just feels off. Or perhaps I'm old and have moved on to focusing on other stuff.

Have a feeling I'm gonna destroy my elbow before the weekend is here. It's already protesting from just testing a couple of routes tonight. I know I should tape but somehow it feels too attention seeking. ><

ok. Time to crash and have another 6am super productive day at work

off to a good start ~!

warm fuzzy feelings ~!

sent my first 7a of the year (first in a long long while too) so happy ^^

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i'm glad i have finally found someone i wanna share my moments of happiness with... someone to once again get me excited about things i have done and will do... someone who I am also comfortable enough with to show the more down times and the vulnerable side.. without fear of being judge...

while many new things are being discovered anything... and closets are being opened and skeletons are revealed... it's nice to have someone supportive through it all... someone to chase away the fear and hesitation... to make you laugh away the silly worries... to make you all tingly and fuzzy... to be lazy with and catch a breather... to encourage and give you a helping hand when you're tired... and to just be there when you need a shoulder to lean on...

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i'm lovin' it

exercise self-control for it makes the times you do indulge a whole lot more special and awesome...

First attempt at Mexican burritos :) didn't turn out too badly I think!

and in the darkest of night... shines the brightest of light...

sometimes days pass without you really notice what's happening...

seconds blur into minutes blur into hours blur into days blur into months blur into years...

and all of a sudden you're at the end of the tunnel...


wondering how you arrived there...

what you have done...

who you have met...

who you have left...

what you have not...



... wondering ...

... are you or are you not ...

Old and creaky

One of those days where I actually wake up feeling mentally awake and psyched but physically destroyed and wondering what I did to be hurting in so many places.

Has climbing started to take its toll? Seems unlikely since I haven't been pushing much... And yet what other reasons could there been to explain a shoulder wrist neck and ankle pains.

Perhaps the Physio session tmr is indeed long overdue. Time to stop ignoring the symptoms and start working on recovery again. I do want to be able to climb at my max come march in blue mountains.

Happy New Year ~!

2012 ended awesomely with my being in a good place and getting a lot of things that I want. 2013 shall thus be about holding on to that and making the best out of it all.

This year, I resolve simply to find a balance between work, family, friends, special someone, climbing and travelling. To find a way to prioritise them all so that I achieve the best I can.

And of course, to be happy through it all.