These days, life is a constant struggle of trying to balance and manage the emotional needs of all those around while burying deeply your own needs and thoughts and surpressing feelings just so as not to complicate the equation any further then it already is.
That being said, life has not been cruel, I have been blessed with what I need to muddle through this meaningless existence. Experience gathered way beyond the average being. A person in my position should clearly be greatful for what I have achieved and not be struggling to hold it together, cutting ties and bonds so as not leave to much harm in the wake of my passing.
2019 has been a blackhole. With an overwhelming force hell-bent on swallowing me whole. Crushing my existence so that not even a glimmer of hope can escape. I've seen it too suck others into it's grasp.... Them succumbing to it's pull, no longer having the will to fight. The temptation is strong, to just give in and be gone, knowing that people might understand that it was just too much to try and survive 2020 burdened by the shackles I can't break.
