Choya + Warm shower ^^

dept had our christmas party a little earlier today. it was pretty impressive what the cm and the heads managed to put together. food was great and so was the entertainment.

secret santa was fun. totally awesome how i did in the end manage to get my santee the perfect gift she wanted. rather surprised to get squealed at and hugged i must say. and then my own secret santa turned out to be my boss (direct manager) who ended up giving me a cake decoration book. i always seem to end up with books. the other girls all ended up with like hand cream and stuff and i got a book! hahah. still quite amazing that he did put a lot of thought into it. it was quite a surprise though when we were playing the guess who game and he managed to link 1. ate 8 bowls of rice, 2. never been to zouk, 3. drink 1L of milk at one go to me.... ><

oh wells. it was a fun christmas party. even if everyone was thinking about work the next day. still way better than the non-welfare in my previous company. nice to be around people my age too.

That split second moment when your house of cards just all comes crumbling down around you and you hold your breath knowing that it in itself is futile and there's just nothing else you can do but watch it all fall apart.

slightly unhinged.

i hate it when i start spacing out cos my head gets to filled with everything that it focuses on nothing and ends up being super unproductive.

sometimes i think i'm too confusing for my own good. like even writing this entry has got me writing one sentence, deleting it then writing another sentence that means the opposite of what i have written...

and then i do wonder how is it that people actually remember stuff... my short and long term memory both seems to be disfunctional. stuff that i've read or seen before disappears and leave no trace even though i know i've done it before.

i did get a couple of close to panic attacks today. starting with waking up to a potential nightmare. this is totally not good. dunno what's happening to me. i just wanna be able to go through one day feeling like a normal person having normal conversations without my mind wandering off to pursue another train of thought that should not matter at that point in time and then not be able to focus on what should matter instead.

i probably shouldn't blog either when my thoughts are a mess cos it just doesn't make a very good read

Finally got my name-card :)

turn key press button to start engine clutch in gear 1 right leg up on break clutch in open throttle slowly release clutch tuck left leg up move off clutch in kick up gear slowly release clutch break (hand and foot) clutch in kick down to gear 1 fully break left leg down

2 times of lesson 1 and so far this seems to be all that i've learnt.

i'm a little irritated that i somehow can only book one lessons every 2 weeks...

if you care about me... why not yourself?

ingenious ad i must say

A bit more control please

I do wonder why my mood can go from super high one moment to being just so sian about everything... it's honestly so tiring not only cause you need to react differently but also cos you have to due with the confusion of what exactly it is you're feeling atm.


Why can't I be a little bit more in control about how I feel instead of being so easily influenced by the vibes that others give. be my happy self who had no worries and care in the world and being please with the things i've been fortunate enough to be blessed with.

^^ nuff said

I need to stop having mornings like these....

simply pancakes.

being silent and breathless is rather uncomfortable i must admit... reason to get well soon i guess... hopefully my colleagues advice off downing half the pipagao will speed p the process too.

after hours conference call at 7pm with my manager laughing at me occasionally when i tried to talk but nothing came out. thankfully he decided half way thru it was more efficient not to laugh and to help me ask my questions instead.

thereafter. Ben attempted to perk me up i guess... worked relatively well until they ran out of maple syrup half way thru my pancakes =P but i was still happy nonetheless. that's salted butter on the left and rum and raisin butter on the right (rather interesting combo imo) loved the leaning shot glasses.

took my first bite before i remembered my photo. hahaha...

pancakes are worth it at half price... rather fluffy but a little bit on the dry side when the maple syrup ran out. daddy's blueberry ones are still the most awesome but then again i had maple tree hugger with those the last time so maybe it isn't exactly a fair comparison.

Ben's gonna make me fat. rawr.

let's have a moment of silence

doing courses when you're on the verge of loosing your voice is probably why you lost it...

i shall promise to not eat anything to kill my throat and also not to talk to much... i never realised i talked that much until it hurts to talk and i find that i keep doing it still...

The wish list?

Saw this on pininterest and it does sum things up pretty nicely. And if coffee is replaced with hot chocolate ^^ things will be even more perfect.

the weekend is here and i'm ready to do all my favourite things =)

Deep breath.

Do not panic. Everything will be ok. You're capable enough to make sure that nothing screws up (too badly)

midweek holiday

No regrets today when I told myself at 10am to stop doing work and just enjoy the holiday :)

2 hours was sufficient enuff for me to get some work done and submitted and to tell myself that the rest can be done tmr :)

So the day then started proper with prata breakfast with my parents and sis. Conversations flowed in the way it only can with family.

Then got picked up by Ben for a swim at his place. Sooo much better than public pools although the sun wasn't too cooperative in my plans to get more vitamin D. The rain did thankfully hold until I was done. And then it was a nuah session just catching up on readings and sleep. Perfect weather and a perfect couch. Nice view overlooking bedok reservoir too. I'm hooked =X

Now onto climbing to wrap up my productive day

movie date.

today started out as such a waste of a day...

got to office early thinking i would start early so i could try to end on time so as to go catch Argo... turns out the server really hates it when i decide to do that and decided to not work until 12.30pm. ended up wasting the time away. talking to people. letting a colleague bully a manager into treating coffee and then going for ramen at orchid hotel before the server got up.

nonetheless i had an intense productive streak from 1pm to 8pm. 7 hours which probably is around my max attention span on stuff i find fascinating. and thankfully troubleshooting and trying to make sense of the australian's analyst's work seems to be just that. i was so in to it that i forgot to go to the toilet and i didn't realise it started raining quite heavily even though i was sitting next to the window today.

felt a little bad that i couldn't get off on time and made poor ben end up watching shows on his iphone while sitting at the bus stop downstairs waiting for me.

oh wells >.< hopefully what mich says was true and he probably didn't mind.

evening turned out much better thankfully. once we decided on where to have the movie. we had loads of time to kill till the 11.30 movie even though it was 9 by the time we bought the tickets. dinner was this humongous 5 patty burger which saw me eating 1.5 out of 5 patties. haha. one of the rare occassions where i actually hear ben said he was full since he did finish the rest of it. then we killed time the way we usually do, walking and chatting and poking at random interesting stuff we see along the way.

Argo was intense. somehow. the tired me actually woke up totally from it although at the end of it, i felt kinda exhuasted from the entire show. even though you knew the ending it still kept you on your toes for a bit. while it definitely felt a little sensationalise for a true story, it probably was how they did feel when they were there, caught in that situation with no option but to fight and fear for their life. that i took such an interest in the fear of the actors kinda feels morbid to a certain extent.

thereafter... i bumped into mich wong. haha. didn't really expect to see her there but she spotted me inspite of the dark and we caught up a little (all in 5 mins) about happenings in the old office before parting ways.

sending ben back after was surprisingly fast. haha. i somehow think i expected to have to drive further... like towards ikea side perhaps.... hmm... talking about ikea... maybe i should pop by ikea tmr if i finish work + swim early enuff.

ok. enuff ramblings. time to crash so that one can have a productive day tmr.

Dead on my feet.

Climbing after a long day of courses on routes that don't psyche you isn't the best of things to do.

Guess it didn't help that every time I stood up I had this little white-out moments that I thought I no longer was that susceptible to anymore

why is it that everytime i have time to breath i feel like i'm drowning?

Cookies again.

400g of flour. 400g of demerara sugar (usually it's 200g demerara and 200g caster but i was out) 1 tablespoon vanilla essense. 2 eggs. 250g butter. stuff like reeses or chocolate buttons to put in cookies.

seems like one shouldn't totally replace the caster sugar with demerara as you get a cookie that's way to dry and crunchy. good for dipping in milk but not so much for consumption as it kinda feels like eating potato chips that way... which may not be a bad thing.

Vroom vroom

First bike lesson turned out better than expected considering the circumstances ^^ too bad I'm not done with it yet....

Still keep forgetting to down gear when I break and only made it up to gear 3

It's Time

to wiggle out of bed!

time to fly and touch the sky ...

and so i'm finally getting into the flow...

sending emails at 12mn. talking to my analyst on skype while rushing off to a climbing event. querying massive excel files when my brain is half dead. all part and parcel of work it seems. i am finally understanding what my colleagues have been trying to hide from me the last one month about work-life balance.

oh well...

the only way to get thru it is to suck it up, stay positive, and know that nothing will get you down and that what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. that or more sugar =D

being spoilt...

is it right to be enjoying myself that much?

Revisiting Max Brenner after nearly 2 years... chocolate still tastes as awesome ^^

so ready for a good night's sleep after.
of course part of it is cos of the company =P

of dating and climbing

The following post is inspired by this article from TNB:
http://www.rockandice.com/news/2338-tnb-how-to-stay-motivated-or-tricks-of-the-trade

So… I guess I am kinda at that point too. Whereby it seems that strength is at an all-time low, time and energy is also at an all-time low and climbing is sometimes just plain demoralizing when you find yourself falling of jugs or routes that used to be a breeze and knowing inside that you would have been able to do this just 3 or 4 years ago… those good old days….

Dragging yourself to the gym after a hard day of work can be challenging, knowing how easy it is to just shrug of failing a climb to lack of sleep or proper rest and a hard day’s work… or that you don’t want to train too hard cos you’ll be aching or falling asleep in the office tomorrow and that won’t be too productive… or that you’ve countless of injuries that you don’t wish to aggravate… the excuses go on…

And then after a year… the 7As are now too hard… and after another… even the 6Cs are out of reach… and who knows what five or ten years would do to you… climbing is such a tease sometimes… allowing you to get so close and so high… then suddenly just slipping away and running off with someone younger and stronger.

So how should we deal with a girl as such? Since I shall assume that we have deemed that she is worth going for…

Firstly since time is limited, one must maximize the time available and ensure that during those short few hours, the experience is awesome for both parties. Occasionally, you might have to sacrifice a little bit of your happiness on things that you may not like but you know she does.

Meaning: Climb efficiently. Make sure there is a plan and don’t just wonder into the situation unprepared as to what you’ll be doing that day. That will likely lead to ineffective usage of time and the girl will just get bored and go find someone else to play with. Occasionally, if she requires a bit of strength and core conditioning (if you know what I mean)… you know what you have to do no matter how tired you are.

Secondly, keep things interesting. No girl likes to go to the same place over and over again despite how much she liked it the first time. Find new things to do together. If you’re tired of bouldering try a little climbing, if you’re done with climbing for the whole week, try onsighting at a new gym. While things may not work out perfectly, you could have a laugh about it together after about your foolishness. Do your homework to find out if the gyms are doing anything that you like to do with her and go even if you have to walk an extra mile to get there.

Meaning: Don’t fall into a routine and just climb at the same location with the same people day in day out. Any regular girl will get bored. Try double (or more) dating if necessary. New couples might provide new insights ^^.

Thirdly, and probably lastly since I don’t wanna drag this out too long, keep a physical record of the things you did together. One sure win way to remind a girl of the good times is to have photos or blog posts about the awesome stuff you did together to reminisce about the times when you were young and foolish, about the places you went about the things you did together, about how so damn good you guys looked together. That would at the very least leave you clinging onto something that once was… even if you’re now old and saggy… she’ll remember you for who you were and know that all the battle scars that make you the cranky old person now was all thanks to her and what you sacrificed to be with her.

Meaning: when doing awesome trips or going to surprising places, take a photo or two, write a paragraph or three, so that one day when you’re feeling down, you can sit down together and just think of the good old days and recall those happy moments that brought you where you were today..

Note: this writer only has limited experience “dating” a girl and probably doesn’t know a thing about what she’s writing about. BUT. she loves climbing.

Survived Monday :) now onto Tuesday!

new beginnings that will hopefully lead to happy endings ^ ^

but of course knowing that the journey is important. creating memories. living. experiencing life as it is. making choices. suffering through its consequences. being responsible for action or inaction. contemplation. acceptance. taking one step at a time.

feel you moments

there are moments where you feel over the moon
there are moments where you feel at peace with the world
there are moments where you feel helpless and inept
there are moments where you feel like speaking but can't find the words
there are moments where you feel so alone in this crowded world
there are moments where you feel like a ghost just floating by
there are moments where you feel it's easier to fly away
there are moments where you feel blind as a bat
there are moments where you feel like telling the world to just shut up
there are moments where YOU just want to feel like YOU.

24 hours

I realize that I do have a perchance of packing my 24hrs to the max… From my early morning exploits to the late night escapade…

6.45 am – wake
8.00 am – get out of bed
8.30 am – leave house
9.30 am – deliver breakfast for Heng to smu
10.00 am – help with level 1
11.00 am – head to great world city
12.00 nn – watch Asian Masterchef thingy courtesy of Noel
13.00 pm – head back to school
14.00 pm – visit Franchise & Licensing Asia Exibition with parents
17.30 pm – watch SKYFALL with family
20.00 pm – dinner @ The Ship
22.00 pm – find mich
04.45 am – reach home
05.00 am – blog.
05.30 am - hopefully catch some sleep

To see and not react

Peter Pan Generation

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It is scary that I can identify. that i find myself in the same boat, not knowing where i want to head cos every path seems possible yet daunting. i do wonder if this is considered commitment phobia and whether i'll end up still stuck in indecision 10 years down the road. i really hope not. 2 years and i'll promise to take the plunge and live with the responsibility and consequence of whatever actions i make. this is a promise that i will not break or defer any longer than the 2 years i'm giving myself. life shouldn't be that hard... i either continue down this path and climb the corporate ladder and start a family while at it. or i start my own business and grow that instead. this or that. simple right?

As life gets longer, awful gets softer...