I'm really such a coward, but the fear of failing again is making me lose my nerves.

Why can't I be stronger than this? Why must the good things always require a leap of faith?

Could really use a perk me up...

Thoughts of a small break at work was thrown out of the window just two hours after a ma rush of a project. Two new demanding projects to add on to the existing two. While two more side projects threaten to make time management a challenge at work.

Need to strike a balance and not neglect the life part of the equation. Hope is such a fickle thing but there's nothing ado but to trust that everything will be fine and that time will set things right.

Regrets drinking that cup of coffee at 7pm

House of Cards

I guess I'm not immune to late night work blues.... Especially when it's been 10 whole days since I climbed... Need to find my mojo...

Keep calm and better days will come by soon... I do so hate it when the stress of making everything work makes me an emotional mess...

Sometimes wonder if I'm suited for this job. I like the work but presentations / public speaking really do give me panic attacks. Especially when I'm not convinced about what I'm presenting... I've never really been the best at lying afterall...

---

House of Cards by Madina Lake

It's late at night the world's asleep
And I'm trying not to think
I take some pills 'cuz my mind bleeds
I'm thinking what is wrong with me

Because the only thing I know
About honesty
Is every lie I've told
That you believed

I'm afraid to be alone
I'm afraid that one day you'll find out

And you'll be amazed at the secrets I keep
You'll be amazed at my mouth full of lies
Well, I'm too afraid to come clean
'Cuz my life's still free in the house of cards

Now I can't look you in your eyes
Because the guilt is killing me
I try to disconnect my heart again
Just so I can breathe

I wanna be myself again
But I just can't 'cuz

I'm afraid to be alone
I'm afraid that one day you'll find out

And you'll be amazed at the secrets I keep
You'll be amazed at my mouth full of lies
Well, I'm too afraid to come clean
'Cuz my life's still free in the house of cards

It's such a shame what I've become
After years of breaking down
My whole life has come undone
'Cuz I'm trying to fake it all

And I know that you love someone
But that someone isn't me
Well, ...

And you'll be amazed at the secrets I keep
You'll be amazed at my mouth full of lies
Well, I'm too afraid to come clean
'Cuz my life's still free in the house of cards

You'll be amazed
You'll be amazed

Three more weeks until my next adventure!