It's been three months since I last posted... time since to just fly by once the mid year mark was passed. Life's been relatively good to me... I'm happy in my job, i'm happy in my relationship, I'm happy with where I am in life and what I hope to achieve... and yet there's a nagging feeling that things are too good and I'm shutting my eyes to the negative things I don't want to see and then one day soon this house of cards I've built will just come collapsing down on me.
Being in a relationship
This is probably one of those things I will face in life that will shape and change me for better or for worse. After growing up in a relatively privileged household, with parents that care for me and taught me how to live as a family, it is still weird that I struggle so much with trying to interact with a person. It's easy to give, especially when most people are comfortable being on the receiving end... but the problem comes when your partner also wants to give and doesn't give you the chance to give. How then do you strike a balance? How can you actually make someone happy, and how do you progress on to a relationship where there isn't the awkwardness of being afraid to be on the receiving end?
It is kind of weird that we can talk about the future, about kids and houses, travels and growing old. And yet, when it comes to stuff like what's going on with your life, work, etc now, we're hesitant to share as we don't want to "burden" the other party with our "unimportant" problems. So with this comes a feeling that you don't trust the other party to assimilate the information, and that one is not worthy, a rather unfair outcome and yet I'm no wiser in how to deal with this. More trial and error I guess? Although I guess I'm scared at times, of this seemingly fragile relationship we have. It's really ironic that after me being the one to end my last two relationships, I'm so scared of loosing what we have right now and what we might have in the future.
How can we make it right? We'll see I guess...
For you I've done the one thing I would never do on my own (climb a "mountain") in hope that one day, you'll be able to trust me enough to get angry at me and to love me as much as I do to you. I do so hate it when you cut me out, leaving me lost like a ice berg at sea.
No comments:
Post a Comment