cough and splutter

The day started out dreadful with sneezing and coughing and popping of pills to try and stay alive. Trust my body to breakdown once I get home... sometime I think it knows that it should not die on me while I'm travelling so it makes up for it once I'm safely back home..

Met up with Chew and Mich in the afternoon... good catching up but once again lots to think about... Climb the corporate world and be your typical good little Singaporean citizen or climb away from all that I've known to start a life that may be good for my soul but not necessarily digestible for those around me. The temptation to get away from Singapore grows greater every moment. There’s less and less pull factors to hold me here and the world beyond while daunting seems to have so much more to offer. There are countless others that have taken the plunge… so why can’t I… all this bull about opportunity costs being higher… why not factor in utility too?? But maybe that’s where the argument fails for me. My utility comes when I help others increase their utility. On one hand, I want to be useful. And I can’t value my usefulness while I’m in front of a computer and can’t see how my work directly helps someone. However, if I choose something where I value and create utility, I might end up causing a decrease in utility to my family who I value more so. So I end up neither here nor there. Not really happy but not really able enough to do something to change the way things are. And just go along praying that I’ll learn to be content in time. So anyhow, catching up with Chew was great, forcing me to think about stuff once again, and giving me courage to reconsider my options and paths in life.

The evening was spent on what felt nearly like a date that it got me super nervous as I had no intention of it turning out that way. But someone up there probably really hates me and wants to be evil. Seriously… fireworks??!! Totally not cool. Nonetheless, Potted Potter was really awesome and I had a good nice laugh and a really enjoyable evening. the Gift was a bit unexpected.. didn't really know how to react to it... appreciate the gift but could have done without the complication with regards to the meaning behind it. but whatever. i'm still gonna enjoy it. cos that's what friends do.